Infidelity is often cited as a leading cause of splintered marriages, but identifying infidelity as the reason for divorce neglects to identify the influence of its contributing factors.
While it’s possible that you could wake up one morning and simply decide to pursue somebody other than your spouse, it’s more likely that this opportunity is exploited after resentment has built up from unresolved arguments over other things – like money.
An American study of 2,800 couples presented by Jeffrey Dew from Utah State University in 2009 found that those disagreeing about finances once a week were 30 per cent more likely to get divorced than couples who reported disagreeing about finances a few times a month.
In this survey, both husbands and wives were asked, separately, about how often they disagreed with their spouse over chores, in-laws, spending time together, sex and money. These same respondents were contact again a few years later and asked if they were still married. Of all these common things couples fight about, money disputes were the best harbingers of divorce.
Mature, responsible conversations about money are a sign of a marriage that’s going to be healthy and wonderful and enduring. The problem for many of us is that we don’t know how to have these conversations. We weren’t brought up in households where money was openly discussed, and any attempt at delving into this taboo subject was akin to a highly-charged discussion about extreme political or religious views. Money talk was either fraught with tension or totally absent.
So if you are contemplating entering a committed relationship, how do you start talking about money without having it turn into an argument then deciding to store any further talk about money in the freezer until it explodes? Here are some tips.
1. Disclose financial records
Before companies merge they go through a period when both sides get a close look at each other’s financial records. Take the same approach before you get hitched.
Swap statements for your bank accounts, credit cards, loans, superannuation accounts and so on.
Not only can you start to put together a balance sheet of what the two of you own and what your debts are, you can start to discuss if you really want to combine your bank accounts.
2. Discuss financial goals
A huge part of getting in sync with your partner begins with discussing major life goals and the necessary financial commitments.
Discuss short-term goals, such as paying off credit card debt, and then craft a budget that sets you clearly on a path toward your goals.
3. Budget your spending
Failing to create and stick to a mutually agreed upon budget can lead to strife. It doesn’t have to be complicated, though.
Start off by listing monthly income. Be sure to add in interest earned on bank accounts and dividends from any investments, including rental property. Then add up expenses, everything from car payments, rent or mortgage, to groceries, gym membership and utilities.
If you’re making more than you spend each month, you can begin planning how to set aside money for long-term financial goals. If not, time to consider ways to cut spending.
4. Treat your money as ‘our money’
Many newlyweds continue to see the money they earn individually as their own, much like if were flatmates. They keep separate bank accounts and pitch in, perhaps equally, or not, to paying bills.
But that can lead to problems, especially if one spouse earns a lot more than the other. If both spouses work, arrange for salaries to be deposited directly into a joint account that’s used to pay all shared expenses. You can have some of your own play money in a separate account, but the funds should come from the joint account so both spouses know where the money is going.
5. Talk about spending
Even after you’ve reviewed all the financial paperwork, sometimes it’s even more important to find out how your spending habits match up.
Often those habits are developed early and are entrenched. One person might have grown up in a family that counted every dollar. Another might part far more easily with money because shopping has become a hobby.
6. Don’t split costs 50-50
In marriage as in most other scenarios, money is power. Splitting household costs down the middle may work early on in a relationship, but it can breed resentment in a marriage when one spouse makes a lot more money than the other. It also can foster a sense that the person who pays more should have more say in financial matters.
7. Keep credit cards separate
It’s not necessary to make your partner a joint account holder on your credit cards, especially if they have a poor credit history. Keeping separate accounts can protect the partner with better spending habits, as well as increase accountability for how each spends their money.
Improve your chances of a happier partnership
With true commitment and time spent making some changes, you can absolutely improve your money management skills and protect the longevity of your relationships all at once.
Your friends can have a direct influence on how you spend your money. It can be hard to have a big night out without spending up big on drinks, dinner, movie or cab fares. Especially if this has already become a habit.
Moneylogue 